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An Engineering Holiday Story

Dec. 20, 2017
An engineering rendition of a classic holiday poem updated to one cold night without internet.

‘Twas a month before Christmas,

The guests had just left.

We began the clean-up

After our Thanksgiving fest.

With the dishes now clean,

And finally, no more baking.

We settled in for the evening,

Our bellies still aching.

Football on the big screen,

Tho' the Vikings were losing.

L-tryptophan from the turkey

Had us both nearly snoozing.

Nightfall drew nigh,

When the wife went on-line

To get a look at the deals

Ahead of Black Friday time.

Then suddenly she cried

With alarm and a frown

Get in here right now --

The internet is down!

I sprung from my chair

Nearly spilling my beer.

Ran to be by her side -

Now what's the problem dear?

No Amazon, no eBay.

No Kohls, no Best Buy.

No Target nor Wal-Mart.

No Zappos or Shopify!

How can I shop? She said

With a great sighing sound.

All I get from the Web


I rebooted the router!

Tried resetting the modem!

Tinkered with the tablet!

Yes -- the internet's broken.

Checked the dish and the wires,

Inspected each box.

Probed all the voltages,

Scoped all the clocks.

In up to my elbows

Wife watching with care.

Sweating under the pressure

Of her unforgiving glare.

Then finally I spotted it,

My Ethernet cable!

Chewed thru by a mouse,

Or maybe squished by a table.

Now at this time of night

Where would I get such a wire?

Dug thru my junk box,

But the outlook was dire.

Then from the roof we both heard it,

A great stomp of a foot.

And down thru the chimney

Came a great whoosh of soot.

A package from Santa!

A month early to boot.

With a short CAT 5 cable,

And a note, quite astute.

You're back on line sir.

The note was quite clear

The missus can surf now

You get back to your beer.

I did as he ordered,

As the sleigh flew away.

Black Friday was saved.

And my vision grew gray...

When I awoke the next morn

I asked, was it all just a dream?

She smiled and went shopping.

I just wanted to scream.

I ran out to the yard,

And looked up at the roof.

Saw the tracks in the snow

And clear markings of hoof.

Thanks Santa, I mumbled

As I went back inside.

Looked at my router, but

No new cable did I spy...

What happened that night?

I'll learn someday, I hope.

Until then I can only wish

Santa brings me a new 'scope.

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