How to Set Up a Home Office in 16 Easy Steps

As artificial intelligence continues to put dollar signs and high demands in the bugging out eyes of middle management, there has, luckily, been a parallel surge of layoffs in the engineering sector. Around 245,953 people in tech jobs were laid off in 2025 alone. You're wondering, how is that lucky? That means 245,953 sets of used office equipment flooding the resale aftermarket.

Their loss is your ball and chain gain.

Whether you work from home or dare to take a day off, you'll need a home office. This is the essential guide for creating an effective, practical, and balanced work environment inside the home.

Step 1

Cubical walls are essential in closing in your world to only a work-sanctioned space. The more walls the better. The taller the better. Remember, when you're on the job, nothing else around you matters. Isolation is essential.

Dirty, soggy, stained cubicle walls are discount gems to find. Pro-tip: Wear gloves when transporting. Maybe safety glasses, too. You know what... grab a respirator.

Once the cubical walls’ microbial biome acclimates to your environment, they should have replaced much of your internal structure. You can remove the gear, there's no saving anything at this point.

Step 2

Lighting makes for effective employees.

Fluorescent lighting’s effect on mood and productivity is profound. Suppressing one’s spirit with proper workplace lighting leaves only room for work.

All of the studies on the postitive effects of natural lighting on mental health don’t apply here. Tinker with different tubes. Oppressive frequency combined with occasional flickering simulates what management calls a “nonpareil disconsolate employee work environment.”

Step 3

Get a calendar.

Choosing a calendar is easy. It doesn’t matter if it’s an old, present, or future one. Nothing changes. Every day bleeds into the next.

Management is currently working on a calendar that shows no day of the week, because when you work from home you’re always on the job. Four blocks, each representing one of four week-long day blocks. Perhaps one large block representing a month-long never-ending day. For now, consider it a work day until further notice.

Step 4

Get an angry dog that barks and growls at the door so that no one will come in and steal your brilliant work. Threats lurk everywhere. Trust no one. No amount of suspicion is too much. Everyone is jealous of you, and they want to destroy you.

Step 5

Place your Paul Walker life-size cardboard cutout where you're able to see him from your workstation. Look up at Paul anytime you need guidance or strength. Speak to him. Say, “Help me, Paul.”

Step 6

Hang the sword of Damocles above your head for motivation. This will fill you with performance-enhancing anxiety and stress.

Step 7

A very important, and often overlooked, step is setting up a giant duct attached to a netherworld dimension. We’ll get to why this is so important in a future step.

Step 8

On your television, have a looping video of original "Beach Boy" Al Jardine repeating that he’s proud of you.

Step 9

It's highly recommended to have a changing-room divider in your home office. If you ever need to, say, change into a crime-fighting outfit of some kind and maybe save the city from the evil Dr. Tyrannis, you’ll be glad you have it. Or you can use it for basic costume changes. Adding a little showmanship into your remote work helps stir the creative juices.

Step 10

Hey, look at the TV! Two Al Jardines!

Step 11

If a Cacodemon comes in, you’ll be glad you have the giant duct attached to a netherworld dimension from step 7.

Before it can spit a ball of plasma at you, you can use the duct to transport the Cacodemon back to his netherworld, Phobos, Deimos, or wherever that tube actually goes. 

Step 12

Unfortunately, because you used the duct, our universe has become negated. It's turning into a dark universe. Negative million degrees Kelvin. Just emptiness and darkness. 

Step 13                                              

But, don’t worry. You planned for this. 

Step 14                                              

Cosmic Al Jardine appears and returns the universe back to its regular form.

Step 15

All is back to normal. 

Step 16                                              

Now, get back to work. Another day, another dollar in your perfect new home office.